Can envy help you?

This part is from our most popular episode on Human Evolution Project: S2E4: Envy.

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Transcript

 

Bryce  00:00

The topic ENVY. And you know, that’s something that I think a lot of people cross paths with sometimes can be like intertwined a little bit with jealousy. I do think it’s worth exploring a little bit to give people a little bit of context, it’s kind of like an analogy would be, I am envious of people that don’t have to work on the weekends. And you sit, you sit with that for a moment, right? And it’s like, okay, is it an obstacle? Or is it an opportunity, right, since we’re gonna dive a little bit into stoicism like we always liked? But the thing that I was gonna say is around, okay, you’re envious of that one thing? I challenge people to look at whatever they’re envious about and think I don’t just trade that I have to trade everything. Yeah. Because sometimes we look at 10 different people. And we’re like, Oh, I wish I could go on that vacation. I wish I had that much money. I wish I had that car. I wish I had that significant other I wish I had, that life that I’m seeing on Instagram or wherever. And so hold on, you’re looking at one aspect. What about all the other things that are behind the curtain? But you’re not seeing.

 

Misbah Haque  01:03

What even got me thinking about this? Because at first when I was like, oh envy I don’t know if I’m really envious of anybody I don’t like I kinda was like, Oh, that doesn’t apply to me. One of the topics in the 48 Laws of Power is envy, right? And there are different types of envy. There are ways you can use it. And it’s, it’s an emotion, or it’s a feeling that like, we mostly feel like doesn’t apply to us, right? Where you’re like,, I’m not really, I’m good. I’m not envious of this, or we don’t even sometimes think that people could be envying us, right. And the two different forms, I think he’s saying was like, there’s active envy, and there’s passive envy. Right? And there’s the passementerie is more like you see an Instagram post, and you’re, you see the vacation, you go, Oh, yeah, that looks nice. Like, of course, I wish I had that. But you kind of move on, it doesn’t linger it kind of just,  it was a quick moment, right? And, but active is like where stays with you, it makes you better, it makes you angry, it makes you resentful. There are even things that he said like you can spot when you tell somebody a good piece of news there could like if they’re not actually excited to hear that or as happy for you. And they’re envious. There’s a flash of disappointment that you can actually catch before our human instincts kind of kick in. And you’re like, Oh, that’s great,  or whatever you say.

 

Bryce  02:42

And it’s interesting to see that dynamic because you then come to realize, like immediate gratification, is so valuable to people in the sense of like, I want results, and I want them now. And when somebody else gets them, I’m frustrated, because I’m doing all the same things I’m putting in the work, why aren’t I getting those results, the way they’re getting the results, not taking into consideration lifetime reps, not taking into consideration, physics, biomechanics, mindset, lifestyle, outside of the gym, food, relationships, the people you spend time with, all of those things are contributing factors to optimal success in certain tasks. But envy is such a fascinating thing. I mean, it’s a very, very interesting place to be because we should be happy for other people’s success, other people’s success forces us to level up and improve. And it’s a data point, it doesn’t necessarily need to be labeled as good or bad. If somebody’s making more money, right now, that’s great, be happy for them, learn from them, and integrate some of their processes and procedures to try to upgrade yours. But it becomes this very outward focus where you’re super consumed by what everybody else is doing. And not looking inward at your own thought patterns, processes, procedures, efficiency, and communication style, let’s focus on not so let’s actually look inward. But I think it’s important to catch ourselves and wonder the why. And then subtly self-reflect on that. Learn from it. You don’t actually know people’s subconscious without asking. And if you’re constantly trying to mop it up and organize it and it’s somebody else’s, I don’t know that that’s your place to do. So. Envy teaches us to look at things with intensity, but not necessarily accuracy. I like that. And I think when, right and I think when you pay attention, it helps steer your intensity. So many people are so consumed with the grind and the hustle that they forget, like more, is not better, better is better. And I think sometimes there’s this envious thing of like, why is that person getting the thing like I’m working so much harder than them I’m putting in more hours you’re not actually moving the needle, you’re just consumed with occupying space and putting out worthless energy in the wrong direction. And so subtly pressing pause bookmarking where we are in our life. Sometimes, and then looking at things with more accuracy enables us to channel the appropriate intensity. And I guess the point that I’m trying to make is like envy can also be like a pseudo placebo effect that also helps us within the context within reason. Everything can be good when used appropriately. But everything can also be bad when used inappropriately and it’s like the more intensely envious we are, the more we reside in fantasy a little bit where Oh, he’s only successful because of that. Yeah. And, okay, that may play a role. Like, I think a great example, actually, man, this is awesome. I just heard this week, Gary Vee, he’s walking in the streets of New York and somebody’s like, Hey, man, like, stop your bullshit. Like, you’re only successful because you inherited a really successful wine company from your family is like, oh, yeah, you’re totally right. Like, I did inherit, one or 2 million. But I turned that into a global empire. I bet if I handed one or 2 million to you, you’d probably spend it the wrong way, and not find a way to grow that right. And she was like, before you get envious, or judgmental, press pause. And fact check. Look at my entire story. Because I spent nine years spending 12 hours a day on Twitter promoting my shit. And when it took off, it took off because of those 12 hours a day that I was spending on all social media platforms, learning things, because I really believed in the future of these platforms. And I think like, hopefully, people can hear my shift in tone there, where it’s like, thinks things grow. Because they’re watered by their tenderized, there is time, energy, love, and affection that helps pursue and elicit that manifestation. I think sometimes there’s this seeking of validation, and this narcissistic put me up on a pedestal, I want to get attention rather than pay attention. And I think most businesses are successful because they’re solving a problem. Tesla is creating electric vehicles, so people can spend less on gas, have less carbon footprint, be more efficient, and more technologically savvy, they are solving a problem and people become judgmental, or envious, and they don’t seek to understand. And by seeking to understand, you realize like, I’m seeing the outcome of all your hard work. But I didn’t see those early mornings and late nights and you doing all the things that you didn’t want to do.

 

Misbah Haque  07:20

The little things that you just truly don’t think about, like in the moment, it sounds like Oh, saying no to hanging out with a friend or something. So you can practice is easy, right? But when you put yourself truly in that situation, and you attach a friend that you want to really hang out with, and you’d rather hang out with then practice, but you’re sacrificing that and that those hours add up there, it’s impossible to know, all that somebody puts in, right? Because they’re even when they share like, Hey, how’d you get here, man? what’s your formula? When people go to answer that? It’s never like exactly how they got there. Right? There are some things that like only they will ever know. And loads that they’ve experienced that they will know how it changed them and what they thought that they may not necessarily share in places that will hear it right. So much. There’s a difference between like, being in awe of something and like, wow, this person is so much better, or they have more they have it all figured out.

 

Bryce  08:22

Elon has this incredibly awe-inspiring social status of one of the wealthiest people in the world, trying to innovate and do things like get people to Mars, put an underground tunnel to help alleviate the traffic in LA, which I know he’s no longer doing. But it was on the table for a while. And he’s involved in so many things. And people don’t realize what it takes to do all of that. I’m sure there’s a lot of sacrifices away from his family, there’s a lot of sacrifice from doing certain fun things that a lot of people get to do. People put in all this work with the expectation of oh, I need to make the shot or I need to get the thing. Well, the shot doesn’t always go in and you have to be okay with that. You have to recognize the value of the journey because the journey is the dream. And the people that do the right thing, because I always try to do the right thing. But inevitably, as a human, sometimes I don’t want to do the right thing, but I do it anyway. And there’s always challenges people’s lives aren’t as perfect as people think they are because they’re human beings, there’s going to be positive with the negative. And I think it’s important to take all of that into consideration because if you are envious of somebody else, rather than just looking at that one thing, what if you had to trade everything as we talked about in the beginning.

 

Misbah Haque  09:33

When we experienced problems, we all experience that? The same right in in a couple of different ways that grief that that person is going through or the feeling of like this is something I’m dealing with right now. This is something that’s not right. Like you probably are experiencing that in your own way. It’s just a bunch of different problems and we all always are right so the problems just change I think depending on whatever ladder you climb I’m or as time goes on.

 

Bryce  10:03

It just is like stress is relative. We have this big window at our house. And I think a lot of people like to make the comment of you will send like a picture or something that dogs sleeping or the dogs playing in the backyard, man, they live such a great life. But they experience stress too. Every time we leave, they’re like, wait, are they coming back? When am I gonna get my next meal? When am I gonna get playtime? Why can’t I get outside this window or this door? I can’t open these things like children, dogs, they experience elements of energy to like, Oh, I wish I could drive when they’re looking out the window. They don’t, they don’t know the term drive. But they realize there’s this thing that goes away, and then comes back. And when they get to go inside that thing. It’s super fun. So they think they’re having a ton of fun right now. It’s about the perspective and the glasses that you wear. And just a very awesome takeaway for people, which is rather than focusing on getting attention, focus on paying attention, observe, take things in the process, view things from different lenses, have great conversations with people write things down, seek varying sources of news or media, processing all of that, and then being open to varying perspectives and realizing like, oh, man, that person had a lot of success. I wonder what their story is like in order to obtain that level of this perceived success? And being really genuinely curious about it versus envious of what are the three things that you did, I’m going to do those two, and if I don’t get it, I’m gonna be pissed off, it’s like, hold on a moment, there’s a lot more to this than your than the human is seeing in this exact moment. Because at the end of the day, it’s very important that even if we disagree, we still respect and love one another. And everybody’s lenses come from and are shaped and molded from various forms of journeying and experiencing and exploring, and I think being respectful of that is very, very important. You and I can walk the same path and have two different experiences, we can look at a picture and have two different perspectives on that picture. And I think that’s okay. And what are your final thoughts today, man? What are some of the things that fell to the forefront of your brain around envy?

 

Misbah Haque  12:07

One of the bigger ones was the statement you made around would you treat everything for this one thing that you’re really envious of or that you really want to the pedestal? I think that’s related, right? taking people off of the pedestal for a second. And then the third thing I think he said the paying attention versus getting attention, not my idea, but that TED talk is worth still listening to even after our chat about it. So that might be good to check out as well.